ClevaWords

At the beginning of fall, I was pumped and ready to take control, fully, of my body. For many years, I've battled having a eating disorder that had me so in its control that sometimes even looking in the mirror was a horrific experience.  I still have a phobia of having my picture taking. [may the truth set me free...].  During the summer, I had started a routine of working out that had me prepped for P90x.  My mind was ready.  I started my routine and went 13 days and BAM.....repeated sicknesses, mainly respiratory issues.  I couldn't breathe well from my right lung, I felt tired and worn out. Sick. Why was my immune system so compromised?  STRESS.   I was allowing LIFE to take over me, to control me.  I behaved as if I had to just obey whatever situation that popped up, I had to obey whatever work that was thrown my way.  I was killing myself. So, I was sick off and on for 3 months.  During these months, I gained 20lbs.  I was...

In the past few months, I've had some really weird online tension with someone who I actually admire very much but we don't see to click online. I've had many online discussions, arguments even and never have I had someone misread what I've said and my intentions to this degree.  I don't want to diagnose the issue because I don't really understand it.  I think from the outside it would look very childish and as if two head strong fools are trying to out "brain" each other.  We've played all of the childhood games - unfollow, block, delete, blah, blah, blah....yeah, I've participated but I was pissed and this person made me mad....and....and (pouts).  Ok. I know....childish but still (giggles). This past week I returned to working with the girls I had been doing a group with for the past year. I now have assistance so I can do another things.  My first day back, there was tension in the room.  Two of the girls were beefing.  We really couldn...

In 1995, it was the first time I volunteered at an AIDS service organization (ASO) and in 2011, I'm still working at an ASO.  Most of those years, I was directing my efforts towards working with women to reduce OUR risk of HIV.  I love working with women but the health disparities facing black women made the work even harder.  Our attitudes towards our bodies, our lives was and is our barrier to living healthy. We have to first agree to take responsibility for our choices. Forget the so called down low brother. Forget blaming others for our own actions.  I've come across many women who stayed in relationships when they knew their partner was cheating. I've come across many women who don't talk about condom use with their partner. I've come across many women who won't get tested for HIV and other STIs.  At some point, we have to look into the mirror and agree that our bodies, our lives are valuable and we need to take care of ourselves. It should be said that...

Have you ever examined why a situation doesn't occur the way you've planned or even prayed for it to happen?   Your friends and family will quote every scripture or religious text they know.  You believe it. God will give me the desires of my heart.  Stand on that Word.... screams .....Hallelujah! God?  What do you think? crickets I remember praying hard for someone who desired something with all of his heart.  I believed that it would happen but it didn't.   I felt for him but turned to God to show me why didn't it happen. A few months later, a situation occurred where I experienced some behavior that made me realize why God said "No!" to this person.  I'm like.....oh THAT's why you didn't get that blessing.  Good move O.G.   In my Christian yet very metaphysical mind, I do believe that we can create our existence through our actions.  Faith without works is dead.  We must move towards the blessing but we ...

The most frustrating time you will have with a person is trying to make the peg fit into the circle instead of getting out of self and enjoying the peg and forget about any circle. When we're seeking something, when we're in need of some sort of assurance, we don't allow people to be themselves but who we want them to be for our benefit. That causes nothing but frustration. You miss out. You lose.