ClevaWords

Its amazing how my mind continues to play tricks on me. It juggles my sanity as if in a circus, tossing each thought, each feeling about and around.  I assumed my healing would be swift. I arrogantly felt that I will be fine after my 10 EAP sessions would be over.  I want to move to a healed state. Its in my mental illness where I think I can't still move through some aspects of life with a healthy view while still in therapy.  I have to have one or the other.  Therapy or no therapy.  I have to accept that I maybe in therapy for the rest of my life on some level.  I will have to be purposed in my healing.  Rejection is a big deal for me. It crushes my spirit instantly. Its a high functioning weapon against me.  It stops me in my tracks.  Its the demon I need exorcized. where's the holy water?

One of the most challenging things in life is parenting.  It has challenged every essence of my being. Let me first say that I love my daughter. I love her humor and her laugh.  I love talking to her about random stuff.  We've had conversations, situations, and events happen within our walls that no on knows about but us. That's a typical family.  They're not secrets but just life.  I've parented to the best of my abilities. She had chores, she was disciplined but Syd wasn't a problem child. She didn't back talk. She did what she was told for the most part. [She is still a human child.]  As a young adult, we've had some issues. Its been very challenging.  I'm not going to talk about the specifics of our issues but the responses from "outsiders" offering up their opinions. First, I know there are many who care about me and The Kid. That's not the issue. Its the judgement. I've had people imply I've exaggerated  certain things.