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My child is for me.

One of the most challenging things in life is parenting.  It has challenged every essence of my being.
Let me first say that I love my daughter. I love her humor and her laugh.  I love talking to her about random stuff. 

We've had conversations, situations, and events happen within our walls that no on knows about but us. That's a typical family.  They're not secrets but just life.  I've parented to the best of my abilities. She had chores, she was disciplined but Syd wasn't a problem child. She didn't back talk. She did what she was told for the most part. [She is still a human child.]  As a young adult, we've had some issues. Its been very challenging.  I'm not going to talk about the specifics of our issues but the responses from "outsiders" offering up their opinions.

First, I know there are many who care about me and The Kid. That's not the issue. Its the judgement. I've had people imply I've exaggerated  certain things. I've people slip up and say that I've let Syd get away with things for most of her life.  I've had folks say that she has been babied.  When things are said, I don't go into defense mode because that's their opinion. Its limited. Its only based on what I've told them or what they've seen time to time.  Syd is probably bratty.  She was the first grandchild. She's my only child.  She was the first child born to my crew of sister/friends.  She got alot of love and attention.   But is my parenting the issue?

I've got through all of the what ifs.  I've blamed myself for this and that. What I learned about parenting Syd when she was younger is that this child has been given to me because I can handle this.  I can help shape her. I'm the one who can have grace for her through even the tough love.  Not my friends, family, and strangers who have offered their opinions no matter the motive.

I'm going through this with the guidance of God because this is his child.  I've tried to be obedient.

I have to move away for anyone criticizing my parenting and look at what is this next phase of motherhood for me.  I'm sure Syd would laugh at the notion of her "getting away with" stuff comments BUT that's their perception.  I believe in restoration and healing for us.  This child is for me and I love her through the troubles.  Even when I don't like her, my love is stronger than ever.  I believe in her. I believe in me.

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I will never, ever, never, ever live in a box.


again.


If I can't be appreciated, celebrated, loved, and befriended with honestly and openly....with no conditions and controls.....then I can't be....for you.

I'm a good friend.  I'm a good person. I deserve good things from good people who really want to celebrate whatever connection I have with them....outside the box.


I'm free to be.