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I've been working with a wellness coach and it has been a journey. I'm learning about myself and what I really need to do. Even though you have the KNOWLEDGE, life has put of roadblocks to being wise and applying that knowledge to your life. I've had to look at my body image issue very closely. Its dangerous for my psyche. Its planted in control, fertilized in lies, and loved in BS. At the end, here comes Bulimia. It rolls off the tongue like its some weird yet exotic name. (I'm hoping no child is named Bulimia). I've cultivated this side of me. I've nurtured it, supported it, excused it, and even believed in it. Nuts right? Not really. I'm human. The important thing is to start the weeding process and face it. I completely appreciate Delana (the wellness coach). She is hardcore and yet loving. She wants to see you enlightenment and moving forward. Keep it moving! She holds me accountable and that's all most of this is about in some odd way. Its...

Ok, a daily ritual. I get up in the morning and weigh myself. I weigh myself again after I take a shower. When I come home, I weight myself and then before bed. Yes, I do have a eating disorder and yes, I have body image issues. The scale has been the demon in the house. I welcomed the demon. Don't dare everyone to throw holy water on it. Its both my lover and my enemy. I feel GREAT when I see it move down, down, down. The moment I see it move the other way, I'm upset. So, I walked in the house and did my same ole ritual. This time I was on the phone with my friend. I get on the scale and I go, "ugh". My dog, Zeus, actually gave me this crazy look. I said, "Yeah, I know Zeus, this demon scale needs to go." I told my friend that I'm going to have my daughter hide it. She was like, NO!! Destroy the scale. I first thought, "This chick is nuts!!" Then I thought, "Free yourself Rhonda!" So I agreed. I got off the phone...

1980 something. 20ish. And thin. Fast forward to 2008 40. Plump, Chubby.....ugh I've blogged about being bulimic many times. I've blogged about my body image issues a few times. I've received many notes saying, "Girl, you look good!" or "Damn, I like the way you look!" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah....I'm cute. LOL (I'm really laughin') This is still the battle of all battles. This is my mental disorder. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I battle with my body daily. My daughter has to hide the scale. Metabolism has been so damaged by the bulimia that I swear it moves in reverse. I'm trying to find the balance with in. Men really don't get it. They think because they offer up some compliments that I will be moved to change my mind. I don't care what YOU think. Sorry but I don't. I need to move to a health place where I can look at my body and be ok with whatever the mirror reveals. And I'm getting there. I'm a size ...